Time for some shredding

It’s been nine years since I last made a journal entry. Reading through the last couple of pages, I noticed that I didn’t even finish the last sentence I was writing. It just trails off from some narrative about listening to the cracking branches outside during a terrible ice storm.
My dad was still alive, although just barely. I can’t remember why I quit writing. I’m pretty sure it had something to do with surrender. I surrendered to self-pity and fear. Maybe I unconsciously wanted to keep him alive by not writing about his decline. Maybe I was too scared to come to terms with my own decline at home. Chemotherapy was knocking him down, and I was entering one of the lowest points in my life.
I emerged from that cellar, humbled. As optimistic as we were, my dad didn’t make it, missing our first son’s birthday by one month. I focused my loss into my newspaper and dedicated everything I did to my father. I have his work ethic and we shredded this town. It was quite extraordinary for a bi-weekly newspaper to regularly scoop a daily newspaper, but we were on top of our game. However, it soon became clear there is no taking down an established company without piles of money.
So, here I am starting my first blog with little care that anyone will read it. I think blogs are useless and annoying, like a hair shirt on an August afternoon. However, my reasons are selfish and the time seems right.
My good friend, Austin, died a few days ago – just about the time I was notified that I was named the interim adviser for the Muleskinner and Digitalburg at the university.
It’s never too late to begin a new chapter. We toasted Austin last night at Old Barney’s, and I feel the urge to replace that loss in my life with something new.
It’s time to do some shredding.

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  1. #1 by mammacita on December 7, 2011 - 2:05 pm

    shred it, babe. XO’s

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